069;; I fail.

Little life update...

I tell myself I'll be good at maintaining a blog - but then things just seem to happen and I get distracted. I don't really know any other way to put that. It's not that my blog isn't important to me, it's just something that always gets put on the back burner. Despite the fact that it may only take 5 minutes to update a day... that's 5 minutes I could be doing something else.

Lately I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Between work and school and trying to find an apartment within a reasonable price range and distant from where I need to be is excruciatingly harder than I thought it would be. I never once expected that I would be punished real estate wise for being a student. That is most definitely the case in Portland though. 95% of the "income restricted" properties do not allow full time students, regardless of whether or not they're working while attending school just like a non-student. I'm not really sure I agree with the way that it's run, but I'm not entirely sure that it matters whether or not I do.

Moving on...

What sparked my interest in updating my blog tonight was something that's been going on with a few of my friends here lately. Relationship catastrophe.

College can be a really trying time with creating and nurturing relationships and sometimes just having no choice but to let them fail. What drives me crazy is that people blame themselves for it. Sometimes two people just aren't good together and sometimes people just aren't ready to take that next step. I don't see the point in blaming yourself and feeling sorry for something that may or may not have been worth it in the end. If someone can't accept you or love you for you? Fuck them. That isn't your fault and it sure as hell doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you don't click with this one person. One person out of what? Seven-something-billion? If finding someone is that big of a deal you have to be willing to take the set backs with the triumphs.

 Love isn't easy for everyone to find... but when you find it - it's worth it.

068;; One down... Ten to go.

I have successfully made it through my first week of the winter term. Barely, but none the less, I made it. I was initially very excited for this term to start - but after experiencing my first class of each subject, I'm less thrilled. I'm determined to get a 4.0 this term though, so be prepared.

I'm taking...

• Professional Communication
• Digital Illustration
• Internet Concepts
• Math

I'm starting to become extremely restless in such a small place. I need to stretch out and be able to move around my residence. Even if I just end up in some tiny 350 sq. ft. studio... it's more room than this. I hate not having my own kitchen. I hate not having my own bathroom. I hate not being able to have alcohol in my fridge if that's what tickles my fancy. && most importantly I want my cats!

I think this is harder on me than it is for most because many students have a home to go back to. They brought their essentials. I had to bring pretty much what I wanted to keep. My big stuff like old artwork, excess books, and collectible items are still at my grandma's house... but as far as clothes, shoes, and other stuff.. it's all here.. shoved into one single room that has no storage options other than a closet and a dysfunctional set of drawers. I keep trying to come up with creative ways to store my stuff.. but realistically it's just not happening. I've managed to fit two bookshelves in this room, and yet I still have a box of books stored under my bed.

I think most sane people would just get rid of a lot of their stuff, or perhaps sell extra books, or donate clothes... but the reality of it is that my books are my comfort, I don't have that much to sell that I don't use, and the clothes I have are all I have.

I desperately need to try to find a job this term.. I should probably go talk to the GameStop again and actually make him call HR to verify my re-hire status. I let it go during the holidays... but now I feel obligated to help out. It's hard to live on $100/week when you have to find food elsewhere and have credit card and cable bills due every month.

I have been painting quite a bit, and hopefully will start painting more once I get settled into the quarter. Once I get more work done I will hopefully be able to start offering prints of them. Yay!

Anyway.. I just needed to vent a bit.

I'm off to finish my most recent attempt on my room.

G'night.

067;; New Years

For the first time in a really long time, I can't say I regret anything in 2012.

There have been some ups and downs for sure - but overall it's been a really great year.

Last night I got back into Portland after spending two weeks in Illinois with my family for the holidays. I am so happy to say that the visit included seeing the love of my life, even though every obstacle you could think of tried to stop that from happening.

I have never been more confident about where I am going. I feel like this year I've grown so much and I've risen above all of the tangles I had. I'm going to be stronger than ever this coming year and I'm going to stand on my feet. I can honestly say that I no longer feel like I'm made of glass.

In 2012 I...
Got a great job and lost it due to cut backs in May.
Danced with depression a bit all year.
Made things official with Dalton in April.
Started school again and changed majors in July.
Moved across the country in September.
&& Survived the blizzard Euclid 2012.
Plus, I've made so many new friends and my older friendships have gotten stronger despite the distance.

I have nothing but confidence that next year will be even better.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year.



xoxo Sara