071;; Realizations..

I really wish people would stop asking me what's wrong, or letting me know that they're around if I need to talk. The truth is... talking to anyone about my problems really doesn't do any good because no one I know can relate to them. I don't need someone to smile and nod, kindly telling me "I know. It'll get better." I just don't need that. I need to feel and know that it will get better.

The group of friends that I have aren't under the same pressures that I am as far as school goes. They're either attending school currently (very different programs) - or they just didn't go to college or finish a degree. I am enrolled in an accelerated Graphic Design program at The Art Institutes in Portland. I put way more pressure on myself than 95% of the student body because I'm determined to be the best. I want my $85,000 degree to actually be put to use.

I was forced on personal leave from my job in November because I have stretched ears and it didn't fit nicely with their dress code, despite it not actually being in their dress code. Essentially I was given the ultimatum to take my earrings out and let my ears close up or I was going to be fired for failure to comply with my dress code. This means that since November I have had no income coming in. As someone who has never really been without a job since I was 16, this has been a very hard thing for me to deal with.

I am surrounded by friends (either in person, or via facebook) who are in loving relationships with their significant others - which is fantastic! I'm so happy for all of you who get to live with your boyfriends/girlfriends... spend time together... go on dates... All the normal stuff. I, however, don't get that luxury. Five months after my boyfriend and I started dating I moved to Portland, OR to complete my BFA, while he remained in Arkansas with family to begin his college career. We got to spend so little time together before I moved because I was still attending classes online and we were still a 6.5 hour drive from each other... But I never thought I would have a friend who was so insensitive as to say. "Well not all of us can handle living half a country away from our boyfriends, and 10 minutes is a big deal to me."

Long-distance relationships are extremely hard and they have a habit of thinning your emotions like acetone to paint... but I think like in any relationship that if it's meant to work out, it will. Dalton and I are celebrating our two year anniversary in April and I couldn't imagine being happier with the guy I've chosen, or rather... the guy who chose me. I know that when we can finally be together everything will be perfect. Until then we will have our ups, downs, and a whole lot of missing each other.

I just have to learn to love pain and be patient.



xoxo,
Sara

070;; Untitled

I kept telling myself for my sanity I need to keep updating this, if for nothing else a means of small distraction... I just can't bring myself to do it. I rarely feel like anything I have to say or do is thought provoking enough to warrant taking the time to come type it out or deal with the finessing required for my OCD to publish. However, this update is more or less a documented proof of some things that I want to remind myself of...

So here it goes.

I now have a goal to get two MFA degrees once I complete my BFA in January of 2015.
Graphic Design & Photography.
With two degrees I have every confidence that I can get a job doing what I want to do in the movie industry or even in publishing as a book cover artist. I will also also have the proper critical thinking background to do higher end client work in the Graphic Design field for freelance.
Also, I will be able to teach part-time or full-time when the time comes that I will want to (and that time will come, I already can tell).

I'm attending TypeCon in Portl& (Portland) in two weeks. This is a major gathering of typography geeks gurus. I have no doubt that it will be slightly overwhelming - but at the same time I feel like this is the kind of thing I need to do in order to be successful. It's an amazing networking opportunity. Regardless of whether or not I know what the hell is going on.

I went to Newport, Oregon a couple of weekends ago and it was my first time at the beach in years. I mean YEARS. Like almost 8 years. Anyway, naturally I took my camera with me (I may upload photos later) and it felt good. I haven't had my camera with me for more than an hour or two for over a year probably; so to have it around my neck or in my bag consistently for two whole days was amazing. If getting an MFA in Photography is something that I want am going to do then I suppose I should start taking pictures again. =)



xoxo, S

069;; I fail.

Little life update...

I tell myself I'll be good at maintaining a blog - but then things just seem to happen and I get distracted. I don't really know any other way to put that. It's not that my blog isn't important to me, it's just something that always gets put on the back burner. Despite the fact that it may only take 5 minutes to update a day... that's 5 minutes I could be doing something else.

Lately I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Between work and school and trying to find an apartment within a reasonable price range and distant from where I need to be is excruciatingly harder than I thought it would be. I never once expected that I would be punished real estate wise for being a student. That is most definitely the case in Portland though. 95% of the "income restricted" properties do not allow full time students, regardless of whether or not they're working while attending school just like a non-student. I'm not really sure I agree with the way that it's run, but I'm not entirely sure that it matters whether or not I do.

Moving on...

What sparked my interest in updating my blog tonight was something that's been going on with a few of my friends here lately. Relationship catastrophe.

College can be a really trying time with creating and nurturing relationships and sometimes just having no choice but to let them fail. What drives me crazy is that people blame themselves for it. Sometimes two people just aren't good together and sometimes people just aren't ready to take that next step. I don't see the point in blaming yourself and feeling sorry for something that may or may not have been worth it in the end. If someone can't accept you or love you for you? Fuck them. That isn't your fault and it sure as hell doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you don't click with this one person. One person out of what? Seven-something-billion? If finding someone is that big of a deal you have to be willing to take the set backs with the triumphs.

 Love isn't easy for everyone to find... but when you find it - it's worth it.