I really wish people would stop asking me what's wrong, or letting me know that they're around if I need to talk. The truth is... talking to anyone about my problems really doesn't do any good because no one I know can relate to them. I don't need someone to smile and nod, kindly telling me "I know. It'll get better." I just don't need that. I need to feel and know that it will get better.
The group of friends that I have aren't under the same pressures that I am as far as school goes. They're either attending school currently (very different programs) - or they just didn't go to college or finish a degree. I am enrolled in an accelerated Graphic Design program at The Art Institutes in Portland. I put way more pressure on myself than 95% of the student body because I'm determined to be the best. I want my $85,000 degree to actually be put to use.
I was forced on personal leave from my job in November because I have stretched ears and it didn't fit nicely with their dress code, despite it not actually being in their dress code. Essentially I was given the ultimatum to take my earrings out and let my ears close up or I was going to be fired for failure to comply with my dress code. This means that since November I have had no income coming in. As someone who has never really been without a job since I was 16, this has been a very hard thing for me to deal with.
I am surrounded by friends (either in person, or via facebook) who are in loving relationships with their significant others - which is fantastic! I'm so happy for all of you who get to live with your boyfriends/girlfriends... spend time together... go on dates... All the normal stuff. I, however, don't get that luxury. Five months after my boyfriend and I started dating I moved to Portland, OR to complete my BFA, while he remained in Arkansas with family to begin his college career. We got to spend so little time together before I moved because I was still attending classes online and we were still a 6.5 hour drive from each other... But I never thought I would have a friend who was so insensitive as to say. "Well not all of us can handle living half a country away from our boyfriends, and 10 minutes is a big deal to me."
Long-distance relationships are extremely hard and they have a habit of thinning your emotions like acetone to paint... but I think like in any relationship that if it's meant to work out, it will. Dalton and I are celebrating our two year anniversary in April and I couldn't imagine being happier with the guy I've chosen, or rather... the guy who chose me. I know that when we can finally be together everything will be perfect. Until then we will have our ups, downs, and a whole lot of missing each other.
I just have to learn to love pain and be patient.
xoxo,
Sara
