037;; Sketches

A really good friend of mine asked to see more of my sketches/drawings - so I'm going to try to upload more of those.

 

 

{ isn't this random little guy cute? }

{Audrey Hepburn - this is the first portrait I ever did. } 

{ Lara Jade }

{ Lara Jade }

First three images are out of my Drawing I sketchbook. I actually think besides writing notes and handouts those are the only drawings in it. Hehe.

The last three images are full-size drawings (both started on 18"x24" strathmore paper). Full-size drawings like this are available for commission. $150 for that size, $75 for 11x14 and under.

Oh! && my new favourite thing ever is my iPad app for drawing! It's a digital sketchbook! Check it out!

P.S. - *personal edit* Today was Dalton and I's official 3 month anniversary. Why do I care? Because I've never cared before. =)

036;; Things that make me happy..

I'm going to try to cap my week off with a post like this every week & maybe some art later in the day. I'm sure I've seen blog entries like this (I know Kaelah has a "Things I Love" Thursday post) but I'm going for it! What's life without inspiration after all, right?

______________________________________________________________

"Yes, please boycott Oreo for their support of Gay Rights. We’ll all appreciate you going on a diet. While you’re at it, please also throw away your iPod, iPhone, and iPad since Apple supports as well. Hopefully you have lots of clothes, because you’ll need to ditch your Levi’s and Nike’s too. Perhaps you bought them at … JC Penney’s or Sears? Sucks you’ll have to take them back … or actually, anything you wear from anywhere probably had a gay involved. Flying somewhere soon? Better not be on American, Delta, Southwest, or United…you’ll need a new ticket. Airline wasn’t mentioned? Just be sure your jet isn’t Boeing made. Don’t sleep at Marriott or Hilton (or any of their family brands) because you might catch the gay they support. That morning coffee from Starbucks will have to go as well, go ahead it replace it with a McCafe…oh wait, McDonald’s supports gay rights too. Hmm, do you clean with Tide, Gain, or Bounty? Use Duracell batteries, shave with Gillette, or use Fixodent? Brush with Crest, use Pantene, Scope, Tampax, Venus, or Old Spice products? Those are all gone too, stupid Proctor & Gamble supporting the gays. Damn, you’re using Internet Explorer or Chrome to see Facebook and read this status? Download something else, Microsoft and Google show their Pride as well. Ah, but your drinks are safe. Coca-Cola, Pepsi, and Budweiser are on your side … if your side is on the right side of history since all three also support Gay Rights. Hopefully, you or your lawyer will never need in-depth research. Both LexisNexis and Westlaw, who together control the market, support Gay Rights. Drive that big, manly, Ford F350? It’s a “Friend of Dorothy” too, as it’s company Ford and General Motors also support the rights of all. So, do us all a favor, don’t take it all out on a festive cookie … just stay home and boycott everything."

[ from here ]

 

[ this picture ]

 

[ this upcoming book! ]

[ this ]

[ baby owl?! so this picture just made my life. you have to see the rest of the list. ] ♥

More things that make me happy...

Bengal kittens. I remember growing up and being extremely against this breed. Not because of them personally, but I just thought it was wrong for some reason. Trust me... this will be my next cat. I've never bought a cat before because I'm more of a sucker for rescuing - but I need one.

Moving to Portland, Oregon. The process of moving is stressful and exhilarating at the same time. I love going through all of my old things and donating/pitching/organizing. Things I haven't looked at in years I can finally let go of. This move is going to be a starting over journey for me, and one that I can't wait to take. I'm no longer attached to my things & I refuse to let them hold me back. For the first time since the Sigma Sigma Sigma house, I'll be living on student housing. One room. That's all I've got. No room for clutter! (I'm still very sad about not being able to take my cats, by the way.)

This website is probably my new best friend. Design Seeds is just so inspirational. Not even just for providing great colour palettes... but the images they choose to use!

The new Macbook Pro makes me drool. I'm 99.9% positive I will own one of these before I leave for school in September. Just saying.

After 7 years I heard from my cousin, Autumn. She's definitely been through some rough spots in her life, but I'm so happy and proud that everything is on track. She's got a beautiful 3.5 year old girl named Masi and I can't wait to meet her next Friday! Guess I should start cleaning my house. Hehe.


I think that's all for today. If I think of something pressing, I'll update. ♥

035;; Slow, Love, Slow...

I wish I knew why I was such a night owl when it comes to work... It seems I get the most inspired late at night (or I guess it's really early in the morning?) - I've always been more active around this time. I remember when I was young (we're talking like.. 6 or so) I would always start cleaning my room around 11pm.

Who knows.

Anyway.. more before & after. =)

034;; I'm officially registered!

So today I officially registered for summer classes for AI of Portland. I'm a student! I have a schedule and everything! It's going to be so weird going to a school that operates on quarters and not semesters. Even stranger still is that their summer quarter is broken down into two halves. So while I'm registered for four classes this summer, I'll only be taking two at a time. Both last for five and a half weeks. All in all, I'm signed up for:

BIO2010 Nutrition (Everyone has to have a health class, right?)
FND111 Colour Theory (Definitely the one I'm most excited for, kind of self-explanatory)
FND152 Business Fundamentals (Intro to business/marketing)
FND132 Fundamentals of the Internet (Basic HTML/CSS class)

Anyway... That's my schedule. Eep!

On a different note... today was hotter than it should have been. Seriously. It was stupid hot.

 

And yes, I'm aware that cars exaggerate with heat - but seriously?!

I'll probably upload an art piece in a little while. Maybe work on a "normal" piece for me so I can include a before & after.

033;; I lied.

I can't say goodbye to smoke yet.

032;; Are we there yet?

I'm not going to lie... when I was little, I usually never asked that question. Unless I didn't like the journey to where we were going. I had a really vivid imagination though, so I could usually make trips pretty bearable.

Yet here I sit, twenty-two years old, and I cannot wait for July. Not because it's summer. Not because it's one month (calender wise) closer to where I can move. Not even because my best friend's birthday is in July. So why am I so excited?

I bought a new planner. It starts in July.

I feel like the 1st of the month is an excellent time to start my little projects that are floating around inside my head (and on my 101 in 1001 list).

I don't like that I feel like I need a date to start something, but it just throws me off if I start randomly. I'm spontaneous, but I'm also pretty OCD.

Anyway..

A lot of people have been asking the general process for some of my photo manipulations.

So today.. I've included a small taste of that. This was a pretty basic one, so it only included 7 main images/textures, plus a lot of created layers in Photoshop for painting and stuff - but here's the meat of it all:

Maybe I'll start doing this "before" and "after" thing more. =)

Oh, and this was a really quick project, so if it's bad - I'm sorry!

031;; project52 - 2

week   t w o                   \\   tools

Have any themes you'd like to see? Check out the list here.

030;; Artist Inspiration - Mario Sanchez Nevado

What a name, right? I commonly just see him as `Aegis-Strife @ deviantART.com. Which was once upon a time my home away from home. It's the first real art community that I belonged to. I joined back when there were probably 100-200 members on it? It's grown a long way since then. I no longer feel like it's that cozy little art community I could go to and trust people to help me grow as an artist. It turned into something more than that, and in some ways, much darker than that.

None the less, I am so thankful for the light it gave me on digital art, photography, drawing... everything.

It's allowed me to meet some of the most talented and amazing people. People I desperately wish I'd stayed in contact with... but I'm still very thankful for knowing them.

Now! Meet Mario!

Want to see more?

website | deviantART | facebook 

029;; Untitled Today

Unless I absolutely can't stand it - this is the last in this series. :)

028;; Some Tragedy

I slept on this piece last night. It's original didn't quite make me as happy - but I think I'm okay with this finished product.

I think for the next few pieces I make I might try to venture away from smoke (even though it's gorgeous) unless I find the perfect stock to work with. Or get a result from the photo shoot with SM soon.

What should I do next? We'll see...


Oh. Last night, boyfriend mentioned how I usually take away the "parts" from girls. It made me giggle. I don't know why I do that. I think I feel like it's too personal then? Maybe too mature? I never want the focus of my work to be that she's naked. I want it to be that she's vulnerable. It's a large part why I always choose female models (save for 3? pieces in my entire portfolio).

They say art is a reflection of the thoughts in your head. I'm not sure what that says about me. Hehe.

027;; Nothing I miss more...

When you start to attend an art school (or any school for art, I'm assuming) - you know you're required to take beginner foundations courses. Drawing I & II, 2D Design, 3D Design, Art History I & II, so on, and so forth. It's just that bridge you have to cross before you get into the meat of your degree where you can start learning the things you're most passionate about. You want to know what's funny?

I got more from those foundation classes than any of my photography classes. Ever. 
Keep in mind, Photography was my major at one point.


There is nothing I miss more than Mondays & Wednesdays. 9 am. Studio I. Remy Miller. Knowing I could sit down on either a drawing horse or on the cement floor, pull out that enormous 18x24 piece of paper and just... draw.


I know I hated it and complained about it at the time... but Drawing II specifically taught me more about what I like than any other class. As far as traditional mediums go. There are so many good memories and good things that came from that class. 

I love keeping a sketchbook.
I hate paper collage.
Conte pencils are by far one of my most loved drawing materials.
I can't stand charcoal though.
I learned how to draw with sticks && ink.
Wet on wet ink is amazing. 
Mixed media. I'm in love with it.
Still life can be exciting, if you make it your own.
Mistakes are no reason to throw something away, or start over. Sometimes they make the piece.
Embrace them.

I never thought that after everything, I would look back on my 2 years spent in Memphis and miss drawing. I miss people from the photo classes, sure... but nothing quite the way I miss getting dirty in the floor in the studio.

I will have an art studio one of these days. 

One where I can get messy, lay out my paper on the floor, set up a still life that will last for days or weeks if I want it to. A place just for me to draw, and think.

I feel so confined in houses and apartments and dorm rooms. At least when it comes to creating. There's always that thought in the back of your head that you have to be careful and not make too big of a mess. Well - when you're working with charcoal and ink and whatever else... it happens. && let me tell you how India Ink does NOT come out of anything. Ever. 

I hope when I get married and we buy a house, he understands why I'll need this space. It's one expense that will be so worth it.

What got me started thinking about this? This random ass project Remy had us do at the end of the year.
It was the best thing, and one of the things I'm most proud of.

026;; Breaking Apart

 

The lovely lady is twiggXstock from dA.

I notice that I go through phases of incredible inspiration, and then I lull about for a bit. I think I'm just excited about trying new things right now. && I'm absolutely in love with monochrome. Eep!

I got my redbubble store active and stuff again. I'll slowly be adding works to that. Some are on sale, some aren't. If there's something specific that's requested (and not a limited edition) - let me know.

025;; I caved.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin ♥

024;; Save Me

I waited until it was technically Saturday! Though I haven't slept yet. I find that I work the best late at night. I always have. It's usually when I get strange urges to clean my room, too.

Anyway, another piece. Monochromatic is very different from my usual stuff. I like it. It reminds me of my old self a bit (style wise).

More pieces to come.

023;; Fade Away

Trying some new stuff, working off of new experimentation techniques && inspirations.

Print available.

022;; July 9th

So it looks like I will actually be starting classes full-time on July 9th for the Art Institute of Portland. All classes will be online right now && at the end of September I will be moving to Oregon!

I'm sure everyone will get sick of me talking about Oregon, but I'm kind of in in awe right now. Just a week ago everything was in the dark. I had no idea how much it was going to cost, where I was going to live, if anyone would help me financially, or anything.

I'm so excited and so nervous at the same time!

A real post will come shortly. ♥

021;; I'm going to Portland! Officially!

Tonight I got some bits and pieces of information that were both the best and the worst things I've ever been told. I am ecstatic though. The admissions department (AI of Portland) has honestly given me some kind of miracle.

A back story: I attended Southern Illinois University Carbondale as soon as I got out of high school because my best friend at the time (Callie) was in a sorority, Sigma Sigma Sigma. I wanted what she had. Hanging out with those ladies a few times my senior year got me hooked. They were amazing. I wanted that bond and friendship. I declined several art schools during this time so I could do that. I knew that private art institutions did not have greek life, to do that I was going to have to go to a state university. After a year, our chapter left the campus and all of us became alumnae of the sorority. In essence, that means I could never join in on collegiate life as a Tri-Sigma member again. Which was fine, I had no intention of going to another university that supported greek life. 

After my year studying generals at SIUC, I applied and was accepted to Memphis College of Art in Memphis, TN. I was going through a pretty bumpy road with my mother off and on throughout the summer before classes started, so I ended up moving the spring before school started to "get settled." This was the best and worst decision at the time. I do not regret going down there to get on my feet and get comfortable with Memphis. I don't even regret getting a job at GameStop (every college kid's dream job, right?). What I wish I had done though is done more research on the school. I was determined to get a BFA in Photography. I didn't realize that Memphis still supported more of a film approach to photography than digital. That was never what I wanted. I wanted to go to school to learn something about this art form I was so passionate about that would aid me in getting a job outside of school. Anyway, this is going to turn into a rant I don't feel like making. Long story short, the school wasn't right for me. I made some of the best friends in the world there, learned and tried things I never thought I would, and memories I will always cherish; but I had to move on. 

It took me 6 months after leaving MCA to leave Memphis. I was in a relationship (not a healthy one) and living with my friend at the time, so I was studying at a community college just taking some generals while trying to figure out what I was going to do with my schooling. I was given the opportunity to move back home to live in my mom's house and attend a local community college, and decided it was the most financially stable move to make. So I moved back home.

Big mistake.

I'm not a small town girl. I never have been. From the time I was 10 years old it was obvious to everyone how unhappy I was where I was living. I wanted out. & realizing now that I willingly moved back here? It makes me a little sick to my stomach sometimes, but I still feel that it was the only decision I had. I'm not opposed to the idea of needing the help to get back on my feet, even if I'm miserable along the way.

I've had a year to really process what I wanted to do with my life and where I wanted to go. Main motivation was obviously just as far away from Marion, Illinois as humanly possible. Hello, west coast. I've always been in love with the west coast, and after visiting San Francisco, CA in March of 2010 I couldn't wait to see more of it. The weather was to die for! Even when it was "cold" - I still 

couldn't get enough of it.

Anyway.. I originally started looking at the Art Institute of Seattle. Who doesn't dream of Seattle? It's beautiful. There was just something about the personality of Portland, Oregon that I couldn't shake though. Leia (my admissions rep) has been by my side this entire process. It's taken probably 5x longer than it should have, and been 100x more stressful than necessary... but after tonight? It's so worth it!

After my initial financial aid appointment and spreadsheet... my tuition payments were estimated to be anywhere from $750-$1000 a month. Not including housing/living. This also did not take into any consideration transfer credits (since none of my transcripts had been received yet). This was just a straight cut and dry of the Bachelor's degree hours.

All my transcripts got processed.

My mom called me tonight after talking to Tad (financial aid guy) and Leia. Guess how many credits they transferred? 47 hours! That's an entire year off of my program! Oh. my. goodness. I almost started crying when she got me that.

My tuition payments at most will be $220. With housing? $650-$850. 

I'M GOING TO SCHOOL IN THE FALL!
 

I realize I keep going off in little tangents, and I'm sorry. If you're still reading, thank you!

Mom's rules for Portland:

• This is my last chance to get my Bachelor's. If I don't finish it now, I never will.
• I have to live in student housing for at least 3 months (the first quarter).
• That means no cats. :(
• I have to sell my car (anyone need/want an '05 Cobalt?).
• The money I had saved up to pay for first/last/security in an apartment must go to help pay for student housing the first few months.
• If my grades slip, I'm in trouble.

>> photo from here <<

I start school October 1st.

020;; Artist Inspiration: Martin Stavars

I know. I'm sorry! This is two days late now! I'm horrible.

I'm going to be really frank with you... I love this guy. He is amazing. He is a very nice guy and doesn't have that "I'm too good for you" attitude. Martin Stavars is probably one of the only architectural photographers I cannot get enough of. I've been envious of his talent and eye for cities forever. Okay, maybe not forever... but for at least 9 years. He is the reason I want to do architectural photography. Not even architectural, actually. Cityscapes.

I've never seen a colour photograph from him, and I honestly prefer it that way. There is something timeless that he adds to his images by the black and white or duotone colouring. I guess it's why I'm partial to old school darkroom printing too.

Anyway.. I could go on and on for a few pages of why I'm in love with his work - but I'll just let you see for yourself. :)

Want to see more of his work? Listed below are the most common places I see him update regularly. :)

Website | Facebook | deviantART

018;; project52 - 1

week   o n e                   \\   death

017;; Perfectionist, or...?

Is it strange that I don't feel the need to title my posts all the time? Sometimes I just don't think one title sums everything up 100%. Oh well. Okay, okay. I titled it.

Vanity moment:

Ever since I got laid off from work I have been feeling pretty down, it's definitely no secret. The first few weeks were the hardest. I mean... they sucked. I'd never been fired laid off before. I hated feeling so worthless and helpless even. What was I supposed to do? I've never been one to keep a lot of food in my house (or any, for that matter). Every bit of the money I wasn't using for bills/living expenses was going into my savings account to move this fall (eep!) and I knew I couldn't touch it; so what was I supposed to do? It just wasn't a good feeling, and I honestly hope I never really feel that way again. I cried for days, I barely ate for two weeks. I refused to let my grandparents help (who had also been laid off by the same company. Swell folks, eh?) - so I was stuck in some limbo of blah. 

Eventually I noticed though that it wasn't the end of the world. I'm much less stressed out of that company, not going into work every day wondering who was getting fired (because it's seriously a weekly occurrence there) or if I'd even have a job soon. It just wasn't a healthy environment anyway.

Irregardless... the point is... ever since I got laid off I haven't felt like doing anything. Maybe I'm still a bit depressed over the situation, or maybe I'm just not doing things because I don't have to? I'm not sure. I've been concentrating on filling out scholarship forms, cleaning up my mom's house, and taking care of me. Making me happy has become my #1 goal these days. I put myself down and to the side too often. I'm tired of it. So today (at like.. 5pm) I decided I was sick of sitting in my lounge clothes doing nothing, took a shower, put on makeup, and went for a drive. It was nice to just get out of the house. I didn't really have anywhere to go (though I'd love to make a certain road trip to Arkansas).

I've spent the last several days trying to figure out why I'm so down on myself. I mean, I really am. I always have been. I never think I'm pretty enough or smart enough or talented enough. I think my artwork sucks and I don't deserve to go to school or get paid for any of my services. What kind of attitude is that? I know they say you're the world's worst critic when it comes to yourself and your work, but sometimes it crosses a loathing point and is unhealthy. I got yelled at by my admissions representative in Portland, Oregon over saying that my artwork wasn't good enough. I've always been a perfectionist when it came to my art (and everything else for that matter) - and I'm realizing that it's hurting me more than it's helping me now. 

I am talented. I just have to keep reminding myself that.

On a less depressing, parting note...

Meet my baby!

016;; Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all the handsome daddies out there.

I always felt extremely out of place on this day when I was growing up. I didn't have the "typical" father's day. My mom has always been a single parent. For my safety and hers, we left my biological father out of the picture entirely. I don't know every detail of the situation, all I know is I don't need him.

My grandpa has been my father figure forever. I'm so thankful for him, too. He's been my rock and my protector through everything. I absolutely love that man so much. We've had our rough spots and our disagreements, but even those memories always ended really well.

My grandpa & grandma just celebrated their 50th anniversary, also.

It's strange to think that someday soon (not too soon, I hope, but within a decade yanno?) I'll be celebrating Father's Day a different way.

015;;

 

& they all fell  down.

I took these photos my senior year in high school. It's amazing how many times they've been duplicated/redone/stolen. I want to redo the idea (now that I'm better at this kind of stuff) - but I lack the motivation, necessary tools, and yeah...

The past 48 hours have been extremely hard and extremely trying. I don't think I've ever quite wanted to disappear so badly. 

014;; For Amanda

I'm not sure why I keep doing these.. but they seem to calm me down, so I'll continue. 

This one is for Amanda. We were friends once, though I'm not where we stand anymore. Oh well. 

Song is "Pack Up" by Eliza Doolittle.

013;; Revamp

Approximately two weeks into my new blog and I already needed a small revamp.

I've used stfusara as my handle for quite a while. I mean... since I was 14 or 15. That's a long time. Frankly, I'm tired of it. I think it's cute and funny for my email still, but I don't want it to be associated with my blog.

My blog to me is somewhere I can come to be myself. Tell secrets, dreams, memories. Share my artwork, experimentation-type-stuff, and things I just need to document for me. Telling myself to "stfu" over that kind of thing isn't the impression I want to give. Especially if I'm trying to maintain a certain level of optimism and calm about my big relocation coming this year and everything being in the dark right now.

So..

Welcome to the new blog!

"Fireworks & Memories"

Now - what the hell does that have to do with anything, right? I'm honestly not quite sure. Memories are something I hold pretty dear to me, especially due to some family stuff that's going on lately. Fireworks have a few difference meanings to me lately (and who doesn't like bright, pretty, and loud fireworks?) - so I ran with it. Beethoven and memories seemed too long. All my shorter choices weren't that creative.. so.. ha! I'm back to it.

I couldn't say goodbye to my pretty bird just yet though.. and "ravens and memories" doesn't sound great.

012;; Ugh..

I think my feelings get hurt too easily. It's really strange. Once upon a time I had defenses like no other. I'm not sure what changed and made me start wearing my heart on my sleeve, but I'm not sure I like it all the time.

Little things upset me. Maybe I just care too much about some things? I don't know.

How to keep Sara happy:

Don't ignore me. I can't even begin to tell you how disrespectful this is, and how unimportant it makes me (or anyone) feel.

Don't pester me. If I don't have anything I think is productive/important to say - I'm probably just going to keep quiet. I don't like to talk just to talk. Do not take this along the same lines as ignoring. I won't ignore you, I'm just not a "chatty Kathy" type person usually.

Don't talk down to me. Period. There are some things I'm not an expert on, but that goes both ways. I'm not stupid, and I try not to treat others like they're stupid.

Don't hang up on me. If you hang up on me, the chances of me ever calling you back or wanting to talk to you are pretty much gone. I don't care if you're pissed off or are having a bad day. You're a fucking adult, act like it.

Don't throw a hissy fit. I don't care if you are two, eighteen, or forty. It's unbecoming and really unnecessary.

Don't be disrespectful. I'm not going to disrespect you, I expect the same.

Don't talk behind my back. If you can't say it to my face then you have no business saying it at all. If I have something that needs addressed, you will be the first to know.
& for crying out loud... if I tell you I love you, say it back!

011;; Won't Give Up

The typography monster strikes again.

Lyrics && song by Jason Mraz, "Won't Give Up"

Oh, and let me tell you how much I'm not a fan of Jason Mraz... Can't stand him, actually. Something about this song though (more so the story behind it, and the lyrics) just won't leave me alone.

010;; Never Alone

Some days are harder than others. 

Not being able to see him or kiss him.

It doesn't change the fact that I know he's mine, and I know he's waiting for me.

I can honestly say that I've never, ever felt like this with anyone else.

I don't count the days/weeks/months that I've been with someone. That's crazy, right?

I know exactly how long I've belonged to him. & I know that we can make it through whatever problems we face. Even through the distance. All it takes it loyalty and trust.

On another note... I often times get mad at people who can do things that I can't better than me. The logic in that, right? Haha. Well I am terrible at typography. I want to be a graphic design major, and I hate type. I don't hate it because I don't like doing it... I hate it because I'm bad at it. So to prepare myself for school this fall (where I'm jumping head first into finishing my degree after a haitus from art schools) - I made this.  

More will probably come soon. Mainly from songs that keep me going through the day. =) 

**lyrics/song by Barlow Girl**

009;; Artist Inspiration: Albrecht Dürer

Let me start off by saying that the two and a half years I spent at Memphis College of Art, enduring semester after semester of one variation of Art History or another, I absolutely hated it. Nothing you could say would possibly change my mind. I'm not a traditional artist. I don't like "normal" painting. I don't like sculpture. I very rarely like drawings. I don't understand the fascination with abstract artists of the 19th and 20th centuries. I hate cubism. Hate it. So I will openly admit that I am not an art history buff.

I absolutely love Albrecht Dürer though. In Art History 2, he was the only artist I remembered on a test. I can probably account that to the fact that his subject matter is way more appealing to me than hidden sexual innuendos and landscapes. For as long as I can remember I have always been more drawn to Gothic-esque artists, and his apocalyptic engravings/prints and paintings are no exception. They're still inspiring artists today, and probably will be forever. His art is populated by monsters, witches, hybrid animals, and marauding soldiers. Many have obvious ties into the apocalypse, war and suffering, enigmas, and gender anxieties. 

 

"Knight, Death and the Devil" 1513, Engraving

"The Life of the Virgin" 1511, Wood carving

 

"The Temptation of the Idler (The Dream of the Doctor)" c. 1498, Engraving

Post Scriptum - I love how this post was mainly inspired by an episode of Pawn Stars. A customer brought in a reproduction print of The Knight, Death and the Devil - did you know an original print of that is worth more than $300,000? Crazy!

008;; Determination

Sometimes it's really scary to look into your future and see that everything is changing - and pretty quickly. My world has turned completely upside down in the last month and a half. Not all of it has been good, but I am fully done complaining about it. I'm going to try my hardest to make the best of everything. 

Starting on Monday I'm going to start a new exercise plan AND a no junk food regime. I'm actually excited to do this. Mainly because the only thing standing in my way of looking/feeling/being how I want to be... is me. I'm finally done trying to change myself for someone else. It's my time, and if everything else in my life is changing, why not something so simple as this? That's really it, too. It's simple. All it takes is discipline. My amazing boyfriend tells me everyday how beautiful I am; which gives me so much more confidence to do this. He's happy with me the way I am now, but I need to get to a place where I'm happy with me.

      The { 21 DAY } No Junk Food Challenge:

                  No chocolate

                  No candy

                  No biscuits or cookies

                  No cake, donuts, or muffins

                  No white bread

                  No chips

                  No fast food

                  No nutella, peanut butter, or other naughty spreads.

                  No icecream

Also starting on Monday is my {project52} - which means it's time to go out and take pictures! I don't have the money to just drive wherever I want, but I'm still going to make a point to go out and find something inspirational. 

Hopefully soon I can start doing some more photoshoots. I would really love to take a week around my birthday (August 1st) and go see Dalton. It should be before he goes to school, so he won't be busy. I won't be busy. I just want to spend time with him. No Diablo III. No World of Warcraft. No one to bother us unless we say it's okay. I figure if I can scrounge up $600 I can make this happen. Or maybe even ask for bits and pieces of it for my birthday? Maybe see if someone can give me the gas money. Someone for part of the hotel for the week. Some gift certificates for food. Sounds like a plan. I don't feel like spending my birthday alone, knowing I should be spending it with someone special.

007;; project52

I'm going to switch things up a bit. Normally, I try to be 100% ballsy and go for Project365 - but because I have commitment issues, I'm going to attempt a Project52 this time. For those of you unaware of what these two things are... It's taking a photograph (or several) and doing so in a scheduled format. Project52 is having at least a single photograph that shows your experimentation/skill per week (whereas Project365 is obviously one per day). I've tried doing the Project365 route at least four times, and every time I get lazy about uploading or editing the photos that I take. They are taken... just.. yeah.

I'm not sure if I'm going to go by themes or not. I think themes offers a structure and a "get out of your comfort zone" kind of appeal; because, let's face it.. I take pictures of people. That's about it. I need some more suggestions on themes though. I've been looking around at different blogs/forums/websites that have had their community do either Project52 or Project365 to get an idea about it, and so far I think I've collected some of my favourite, and some of my not-so-favourite from the lists. I'm going to try new things. I'm going to expand my portfolio.

:: Themes so far ::

1.   Body Parts

2.   Underneath

3.   Excitement

4.   Trees

5.   Up

6.   Down

7.   Swing

8.   Red, White, Blue (not one of my favourites)

9.   Water

10.   Summer

11.   Family

12.   Shadows

13.   Sunset (again.. I'm going to have to do something special to like this)

14.   Tools (wk2)

15.   Colours (wk4)

16.   Memories

17.   Texture (this should be fun - it was my entire AP Studio Art portfolio)

18.   Beyond Reach

19.   Smiles

20.   Oldness

21.   Newness

22.   Music
23.   Egg
24.   Books
25.   Fire
26.   Ice
27.   Bent
28.   Abstract
29.   Black & White
30.   Eyes
31.   Fantasy
32.   Doors
33.   Green
34.   Love
35.   Soft
36.   Perspective
37.   Reflection
38.   Self-Portrait
39.   Flowers (wk3)
40.   Growth
41.   Fear
42.   Glass
43.   Obscure
44.   Death (wk1)
45.
46. 
47.
48.
49.
50.
51.
52. 

I need more! 

On another note..

With planning my move out to Portland, Oregon by this fall I've pretty much abandoned my hope of getting another full-time job. I need to focus on going through and getting my mom's house all pretty, as well as making a dent in my obscene amount of books/clothes/stuff that just needs donated or sold or even just thrown away. Also applying for every. freaking. scholarship. I can apply for. I'm taking the day off today from it though. Will start again on Monday.


Oh! & for those who care about the "Fallen Angel" limited edition prints :: 4/25 SOLD.

006;; Inspiration and things..

Being suck in this small town has sucked out most of the inspiration that I once had to create a lot of the artwork I used to. It's the very reason I cling so heavily to my books, my music, and even my games. It's an escape. Diablo III may have consumed most of my time over the past several weeks, but it's story has inspired me to start working on a few series of photomanipulations. The artwork in that game is breathtaking, and sometimes makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I'm truly jealous of the talent in their environment artists.

Books have always been a huge inspiration to me. It might be why when I move (4 times so far on my own) it seems like every box I unload is books, or has books in it. It's killing to me to think of what I'm going to do if I move to Portland and can't take them all right away. A few essentials will go, obviously.. Harry Potter, The Immortal Instruments, The Hunger Games, Anita Blake.. etc. In all my spare time, however, I've been looking for new books to read. & I'm not honestly sure where I stumbled upon Alma Katsu and her writings.. but from reading reviews and the first chapter I can honestly say I am super excited to finish it.

_____________________________________

On a less depressing note: 

I have a photoshoot that I'm going to steal the beautiful Sara Morrison for soon. ♥

 

005;; Fallen Angel

 

Goodnight, sleep tight.
No more tears.
Goodnight morning, I'll be here
And when we say goodnight,
Dry your eyes
Because we said goodnight,
And now goodbye.
We said goodnight
And now goodbye.

______________________________________

Borja Fresco has inspired me so much. I can't wait to create more work like this.

This is the first photomanipulation I've worked on that has taken more than 30 minutes, and a combined 70 layers. I'm so happy it's done, and for once, I don't hate it. A special thanks for those of you who helped me finalize details in this idea.

This will be part of an upcoming series I'm working on, all available in limited edition prints (signed and numbered). The prints do not include the random border or title. The signature is much smaller in the bottom corner. Available in 11x14 and smaller.

004;;

Shall I draw it out for you?
Things don't seem so simple now, when you look at them through my eyes.
Look close & you shall see things are not always what they seem.
I am a girl who is confident, but I have no faith in myself.
I am a girl who is always smiling, but my eyes are drowning in sorrow.
I am a girl who is independent, but I am completely dependent of other's opinions.
You see I am a walking contradiction.
Someone who is sure of herself, but must first know the thoughts of other's to make her feel right.
Don't tell me you've never felt this way.
That you've never looked into the mirror and told yourself plain as day,
"I'm not good enough."
Look into my eyes and realize; I say this phrase every day.